Fades Away

“Hello, can I please borrow this pen?”

I looked up of my notebook, I nodded my head in agreement. I checked my phone and realized I’ve been sitting in the same place for almost 5 hours, in my own bubble, with my own thoughts, sharing them with no one but my notebook.

“Thank you”

You’re most welcome, I smiled. I took my bag, I got in the car and drove straight home. Again, to my own bed, my own pillow; that pillow which knows the smell of my tears, the stories behind that intense grief and finally my suffering from Insomnia. I looked at the clock upon the wall, closed my eyes and went to sleep.

“Good morning sweetie, don’t forget to eat your breakfast!”

Good morning mum, I said. Don’t worry. I headed to the university. I was not as passionate as I used to be for that lecture about societies and cultures and traditions. I used to stand up and confidently give my opinions and sometimes I had to disagree with others wholeheartedly. But not anymore.

“Is that you?!”

She was my friend from high school, she hugged me. In the good old days, we used to sing on stage together. I didn’t sing in a long time. I thought . “Wait, you study here, I’ve never seen you before” she asked. Well yes but I’m a little bit busy” I could see her shocked face. You were the most talkative and energetic student in class, Remember? She said. Yes, I laughed.

“Baby we need to talk, He said”

Yes? I answered. “I need a break, you’ve changed, you know that?” he said with concern. You’re right, I’m sorry. I agreed . Are you serious, that’s it? He shouted. I held his hand, looked into his eyes, gave him a kiss, at least that’s what I always do whenever I leave. I needed my pillow either my notebook at that instant.

“ Call 911 now, she’s bleeding”

That was the last thing I’ve heard when slowly everything was turning black. And all of a sudden I felt really tired, like the world has drained me for everything I had.

I woke up, I thought I would be in pain but surprisingly I wasn’t, I felt nothing, nothing changed.

I saw my mum, my dad, my friends, even my boyfriend who broke up with me a couple of hours ago. They were all crying, I didn’t really understand until the nurse said,

May her soul rest in peace.

•••••••

-Nooran Al Masri